psxtreme
CAG Veteran
I was bored so i decided to spend my time reviewing animals lol
The Duck
It's hard to judge ducks fairly, since their perception of me varies depending on if I carry bread or not. It's kinda charming that they sleep standing on one leg, though. Male-ducks are green and shiny, females are more gray-pale. They look funny when they walk.
The Ostrich
The Ostrich is a big
ing bird that can't fly, but runs like a kenyan and can kick your ass from here to next week. If you meet an ostrich, stand still and hope that it gets bored and goes home. But if it has a bad day, you're in deep shit. It'll confuse you by looking weird, then it'll claw your stomach with it's toes so whatever you have inside of you falls out and you die. In other words, don't with the ostrich.
The Moth -
The moth is the nastiest of all animals. If you trap it in a box, it can live for several months by laying eggs and eating them. If you shake the box to kill it, the entire box will be filled by gray nasty moth-skin. But theer still lives! The moth is also the dumbest of all creatures. They're insanely obsessed with lamps and the light, yet they're only awake at night. And they eat cloth, even though they can't sew. Retarded. The word "moth" originates from "motherer".
The Ladydog
A ladydog is a small dog, owned by an old lady. It gives her a feel of satisfaction as it acompanies her to the pharmacy and sits with her during the TV-sessions at night. Then when the lady dies, the dog will eat her remains until her son that moved out of the country finally shows up and breaks in the door. Some of nature's cycles are so beautiful.
The White Tiger
The white tiger is a tiger that is white. They often live with magicians, fags or faggot magicians. It's not cool.
Oh wait, since a white tiger ate Roy (from Siegfried and Roy), white tigers are cool.
The Sea Turtle
The sea turtle can grow as old as a thousand years and doesn't give a shit about anything. Can't blame them. "I haven't paid my rent? Eat shit and die. In thirty years, you'll be dead while I'm floating around the golf stream with a smile on my lips - on my way to a beach where I'll have hot, steamy sex." Not bad. Not bad at all.
The Wasp
Wasps, drunks and children - the three worst things to share the subway train with.
The Koala
Hanging from a tree, being stoned all day long is generally not accepted in our society. However, this is okay amongst koalas. Because they're so furry and cute, nobody ever question what they do all day long. Since I've lived with koalas for 7 years, I know the bitter truth;
They sleep for 22 hours, eat high-octane eucalyptus leafs until they start hallucinating and then they rape each other. You haven't seen hardcore porn until you've seen a koala go at it. They get a crazy look on their eyes, moan and groan like baboons, bite the neck of their partner and start having sex in a tempo that would make Max Hardcore jealous. After that, they transform back to cute little bears again. Sick!
The Panda
Winnie the Pooh camoflagued as a chessboard with only one thing on his mind - DEATH!
This is one mean son of a bitch. The panda lives in China and feeds on bamboo sticks (pickly little blood-bear), which means that its attacks on old women and little punks are insane deeds that pleases the bear. Though I'll give it two points for the cool coating and stuff like that.
The Armadillo
Let's have a look at it:
Hahahaha, what a terrible little animal. The armadillo lives in various jungles and is treated as crap by the local inhabitants. "We don't like them at all, that's why we kick them hard", says a local inhabitant-person I've spoken to. The only good thing that can be said about the armadillo is that it's got a pretty hard shell, which can be good if someone tries to smash it with a sledgehammer. 1 point for this miserable little creature.
The Cow
What the hell? Four stomachs? What's so special about chewing grass? Nope, I don't like it. The cow should only have one stomach - no more, no less. The "fur" of the cow is full of big ugly black dots. I don't like that either. I'd rather see a white, clean cow. That looks best. But I can't change what it's like, so we'll have to live with dirty cows with four stomachs. I'll give it two points, but that's only because it knows how to cook milk.
The Giraffe
A nice, dandy creature with unexplainably long neck. It's as if someone forgot something during the creation process of this animal product, like turning on the neck-shrinking machine. The giraffe is yellow and pretty cool. It eats a lot of leafs from African trees. Sometimes it runs, sometimes it stands still. It's got little horns on its head, which kinda resembles peanuts. I like that. The perfect five would've been close if it wasn't for the long neck... Now you're thinking "But hey, without the long neck, it would've been a tiny, yellow spotted horse!" Of course! How cool isn't that? A tiny yellow horse with brown spots. Hell yeah!
And that concludes my boring evening.
- PsXtreme
The Duck
It's hard to judge ducks fairly, since their perception of me varies depending on if I carry bread or not. It's kinda charming that they sleep standing on one leg, though. Male-ducks are green and shiny, females are more gray-pale. They look funny when they walk.
The Ostrich
The Ostrich is a big
ing bird that can't fly, but runs like a kenyan and can kick your ass from here to next week. If you meet an ostrich, stand still and hope that it gets bored and goes home. But if it has a bad day, you're in deep shit. It'll confuse you by looking weird, then it'll claw your stomach with it's toes so whatever you have inside of you falls out and you die. In other words, don't with the ostrich.The Moth -
The moth is the nastiest of all animals. If you trap it in a box, it can live for several months by laying eggs and eating them. If you shake the box to kill it, the entire box will be filled by gray nasty moth-skin. But the
er still lives! The moth is also the dumbest of all creatures. They're insanely obsessed with lamps and the light, yet they're only awake at night. And they eat cloth, even though they can't sew. Retarded. The word "moth" originates from "motherer".The Ladydog
A ladydog is a small dog, owned by an old lady. It gives her a feel of satisfaction as it acompanies her to the pharmacy and sits with her during the TV-sessions at night. Then when the lady dies, the dog will eat her remains until her son that moved out of the country finally shows up and breaks in the door. Some of nature's cycles are so beautiful.
The White Tiger
The white tiger is a tiger that is white. They often live with magicians, fags or faggot magicians. It's not cool.
Oh wait, since a white tiger ate Roy (from Siegfried and Roy), white tigers are cool.
The Sea Turtle
The sea turtle can grow as old as a thousand years and doesn't give a shit about anything. Can't blame them. "I haven't paid my rent? Eat shit and die. In thirty years, you'll be dead while I'm floating around the golf stream with a smile on my lips - on my way to a beach where I'll have hot, steamy sex." Not bad. Not bad at all.
The Wasp
Wasps, drunks and children - the three worst things to share the subway train with.
The Koala
Hanging from a tree, being stoned all day long is generally not accepted in our society. However, this is okay amongst koalas. Because they're so furry and cute, nobody ever question what they do all day long. Since I've lived with koalas for 7 years, I know the bitter truth;
They sleep for 22 hours, eat high-octane eucalyptus leafs until they start hallucinating and then they rape each other. You haven't seen hardcore porn until you've seen a koala go at it. They get a crazy look on their eyes, moan and groan like baboons, bite the neck of their partner and start having sex in a tempo that would make Max Hardcore jealous. After that, they transform back to cute little bears again. Sick!
The Panda
Winnie the Pooh camoflagued as a chessboard with only one thing on his mind - DEATH!
This is one mean son of a bitch. The panda lives in China and feeds on bamboo sticks (pickly little blood-bear), which means that its attacks on old women and little punks are insane deeds that pleases the bear. Though I'll give it two points for the cool coating and stuff like that.
The Armadillo
Let's have a look at it:
Hahahaha, what a terrible little animal. The armadillo lives in various jungles and is treated as crap by the local inhabitants. "We don't like them at all, that's why we kick them hard", says a local inhabitant-person I've spoken to. The only good thing that can be said about the armadillo is that it's got a pretty hard shell, which can be good if someone tries to smash it with a sledgehammer. 1 point for this miserable little creature.
The Cow
What the hell? Four stomachs? What's so special about chewing grass? Nope, I don't like it. The cow should only have one stomach - no more, no less. The "fur" of the cow is full of big ugly black dots. I don't like that either. I'd rather see a white, clean cow. That looks best. But I can't change what it's like, so we'll have to live with dirty cows with four stomachs. I'll give it two points, but that's only because it knows how to cook milk.
The Giraffe
A nice, dandy creature with unexplainably long neck. It's as if someone forgot something during the creation process of this animal product, like turning on the neck-shrinking machine. The giraffe is yellow and pretty cool. It eats a lot of leafs from African trees. Sometimes it runs, sometimes it stands still. It's got little horns on its head, which kinda resembles peanuts. I like that. The perfect five would've been close if it wasn't for the long neck... Now you're thinking "But hey, without the long neck, it would've been a tiny, yellow spotted horse!" Of course! How cool isn't that? A tiny yellow horse with brown spots. Hell yeah!
And that concludes my boring evening.
- PsXtreme
:notworth: 
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