Dark Poem...your thoughts

karmapolice

karmapolice

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I would love to know if you like it or not... here it is:



I still love you.... and feel the way I always have about you...I just cant keep hanging on

I have to slip....

Fall to the depths of hell and back again...to realize myself again...and I have started my change...into the man I have chosen the path for...

The path that once was guided but is now dark and overgrown...only to be rediscovered by more toil and tragedies that will arise...things that will help me grow into what can and will be

...Words from my heart that are seldom heard by mans own ears

The words of my heart are dark and dreary...I try not to let them out to often in fear of my life becoming over grown with hatred of oneself...I try to let them slip down into my soul hoping that one day they will leave me

For if I don’t let them slip...the image of my wrists red with blood will become real...the image of a shadow swinging on an axis will become all too real for the ones around me...

You just can’t take realities of hatred and pain...can you? You cant take the hurt that can be buried inside someone so deep that if it were to come alive it would engulf you body and mind...to the point of no return...to the point that your own blood would stain your clothes...to the point you hate me for hating myself

Yes go...run...before the sadness kills the light inside your heart...before your soul can not be seen by the human eyes...only to the things that once were and some things that should have never been...you cant always run from it...it will catch you sometime...you will be torn in two by the darkness that fills so many peoples hearts...the darkness that draws the breathe from this world...

Here is lighter hearted poem...

You...
Justifiable reasons
Memories of two weeks gone by
Today
Happiness surrounds the atmosphere known as my life
For you
Anything
Smile upon your face
Completes me
Things wronged unto you
I hope to clear and unshroud the mystery
You
Desperate thoughts
Ones which will not be spoken
Feelings
Ones to be felt
Upon your body
I rest my soul
The parasites of my life are past
Cured
 
I like it. You're right it IS dark, but what do I know, me being a Stephen King addict and fanatic and reading and writing only dark stories/poems.

However if you're serious and you want this poem to be the best it can be, Add punctuation, capitalization, etc etc but the general idea was very good.
 
Didn't read it but i'm going with nirvanaguy. Try and make a poem thats good for the sake of being good, not getting sympathy appeal because of how 'dark' it is.
 
[quote name='Nirvanaguy777']dark poems are like gth kids, too many of them and nobdy cares that they are dark, make a happy poem[/quote]

This is a really biased statement, I make only dark poems just because they are much more interesting to me. I suck at writing happy poems. And no I'm not a goth either, I just enjoy writing dark poetry. Don't listen to him karma if dark poetry is your thing, stick with it.
 
it was written in a convo...every piece was an answer that i made go together...i know it has no punctuation and I will fix that...I will also capitilize ever "i"...but i may not...uncapitilized signifies that I dont care enough to make myself a proper "I"
 
[quote name='x0thedeadzone0x'][quote name='Nirvanaguy777']dark poems are like gth kids, too many of them and nobdy cares that they are dark, make a happy poem[/quote]

This is a really biased statement, I make only dark poems just because they are much more interesting to me. I suck at writing happy poems. And no I'm not a goth either, I just enjoy writing dark poetry. Don't listen to him karma if dark poetry is your thing, stick with it.[/quote]

you could be right,,, nahh your totally fucking wrong, im sticking with fuck goths and dark poems.
 
I am not a goth either...I only write dark because dark emotions come naturally and flow naturally...I find them to have more twists within the emotion...but if you would like to see it from that standpoint then go ahead...dark does not mean goth...look at my pic on defenders ratethegamer site...i am a long haired classic enthusiast...i do not wallow in sorrow and think all should feel sorry for me...just mearly an emotion that is conveyed through words not speech
 
I don't understand the alure of dark poetry.
Usually it's just someone trying to fake depth by
dealing with matters that have depth and gravity of thier own (death, violence, etc), but the poem itself comes off as trivial, superficial and whiny.

There are some that transend this trap... yours isn't one of them.
 
wait...does anyone see the irony of someone who doesnt want to hear about dark poems has the name nirvanaguy? I am guessing its for the band since the first letter is capitalized
 
[quote name='karmapolice620']wait...does anyone see the irony of someone who doesnt want to hear about dark poems has the name nirvanaguy? I am guessing its for the band since the first letter is capitalized[/quote]

Either that or maybe he actually understands the rules of capitalization.
:)

A screen name is a proper noun and thus, it is capitalized.
 
[quote name='JSweeney'][quote name='karmapolice620']wait...does anyone see the irony of someone who doesnt want to hear about dark poems has the name nirvanaguy? I am guessing its for the band since the first letter is capitalized[/quote]

Either that or maybe he actually understands the rules of capitalization.
:)[/quote]

its the rules, if you read my profile you would know i like swing, jazz and ska music, i hate the band nirvana, i like the idea of nirvana as a belief, baka.
 
I'll try to give some constructive criticism ...

First, misspellings really take away from your authority as a poet. Run spellcheck. Second, it's a bit too literal and prosaic. Try to come up some more creative ways you can represent some of the things you are (presumably) feeling and trying to get out through your writing. When you're feeling pain that's hard to express -- especially when you're young -- poetry can be very cathartic, if you are so inclined. So keep it up. I've certainly read worse.
 
[quote name='JSweeney']Writing a haiku
would be good practice for you
They are not very hard[/quote]

I apologize
I must point above and say
That is not haiku
 
thank you cozydean...I wrote it on AIM and havent bothered to spell check or anything yet...I guess I should have before putting it up...I am only sixteen...so you cant expect too much from me
 
There is a lot of emotion in this poem, I really like it. It seems different to me since I never read a poem like this before.
 
Not to be an asshole, but just about--no, all--goth kids or kids that listen to bands that bank on this shit have written something like this and it's just so unoriginal and overused now.
 
[quote name='Nirvanaguy777'][quote name='JSweeney'][quote name='karmapolice620']wait...does anyone see the irony of someone who doesnt want to hear about dark poems has the name nirvanaguy? I am guessing its for the band since the first letter is capitalized[/quote]

Either that or maybe he actually understands the rules of capitalization.
:)[/quote]

its the rules, if you read my profile you would know i like swing, jazz and ska music, i hate the band nirvana, i like the idea of nirvana as a belief, baka.[/quote]

Someone's been sharpening their Japanese. :wink:

Anyways, karma, not bad. Usually, I write poems just about anything. There was several I made about the relationships of my friends in school. They're mostly too melodramatic, but I can deal. There's some pretty dark stuff in there, too, but thats mostly just for fun. They're pretty random. Thing is, most of them rhymes. It bugs me for some odd reason when they don't. :wink:

Try to make a poem that rhymes! I'd like to see that style from you.
 
Ive tried the rhyming thing...but it always seems to sound like a nursery rhyme. I started doing poems in a new form, I dont know what kind its called but the new one I posted is in that form... If anyone knows what its called that would be great!

I realize that some of you do associate dark moods or atmosphere with goth kids, but that is only because that is the new "thing"... Do you associate Poe as wearing black pants with straps and zippers everywhere and NIN shirts?...No I realize he was before that time, but he too was involved with darkness and depression...You dont have to be goth to feel sadness...
 
I hate making rhyming poems as well, they sound so corny. I guess I will answer back with one of my own:

Chipped Chunk

Nostrils flaring, you take another heavy breath,
not missing a beat as you continue your monologue.
I sigh and touch two fingers to my temple
while I listen and wait.

As you ramble on I notice the fury
in your eyes, the rage in your voice:
Genuine hatred, unprovoked, baseless,
yet alive and festering in you.

I cut into your rant, attempting to explain
another point of view. Your eyes gaze not
at me, but through me, absorbing nothing,
merely waiting for your opportunity to speak.

I continue on in futility, knowing your opinion
has long been cast in stone.
Yet I endure it all, hoping
to chip another chunk from that stone.

Oh woe to thee, for you see the world
As black and white, missing the five-hundred
Thousand and one shades of gray.
 
I appreciate your opinion guardian so much more since it was in poem form...You disected my poem in a way not to cut me down but to voice your opinion on it... Many people cant do that... I aplaud you...

Keep in mind these writings of mine were never really meant for a public audience but as a way to let demons out so not to fester in me... My way to let things out...
 
[quote name='karmapolice620']I appreciate your opinion guardian so much more since it was in poem form...You disected my poem in a way not to cut me down but to voice your opinion on it... Many people cant do that... I aplaud you...

Keep in mind these writings of mine were never really meant for a public audience but as a way to let demons out so not to fester in me... My way to let things out...[/quote]

Wasn't directed at you or anyone specifically, it was one I had to come up with for creative writing about 2 weeks ago.
 
Oh ok...well I misread your intro to it : I guess I will answer back with one of my own:

Here is one that is more thoughtful than emotions:

We can only know how the world is to us
Not how the world is to itself
"Real" is only a case of experience or self inclinations
Experiences unique and cant be defined as fact
The Mind is a tracncendental machine
 
[quote name='karmapolice620']Ive tried the rhyming thing...but it always seems to sound like a nursery rhyme. I started doing poems in a new form, I dont know what kind its called but the new one I posted is in that form... If anyone knows what its called that would be great!

I realize that some of you do associate dark moods or atmosphere with goth kids, but that is only because that is the new "thing"... Do you associate Poe as wearing black pants with straps and zippers everywhere and NIN shirts?...No I realize he was before that time, but he too was involved with darkness and depression...You dont have to be goth to feel sadness...[/quote]


Yes, I realize you don't have to necessarily be goth and that's why I said "or kids that listen to bands that bank of this shit".
 
Your stereotyping people...poetry is not to be stereotyped...i dont listen to those bands that capitalize on pain...or shall I say Emo music. I write poetry as an outlet, not for recognition or for others enjoyment...I was just wondering peoples opinions...I was mainly looking for constructive critisism
 
[quote name='karmapolice620']Your stereotyping people...poetry is not to be stereotyped...i dont listen to those bands that capitalize on pain...or shall I say Emo music. I write poetry as an outlet, not for recognition or for others enjoyment...I was just wondering peoples opinions...I was mainly looking for constructive critisism[/quote]


Well, then I have some constructive criticism. Do something original.
 
I still think "dark" poems are a goth thing, nothing against you its just I think the whole goth fad is ridiculous so whenever I can bash it I do so...same goes for emo, god i hate emo, I pray for the ska revival.
 
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