Ever poop so loud, your roommates could hear you in the living room?

[quote name='NWgamer666']What really gets me is those locations where you are either forced to use the bathroom out of necessity or have booked a cheap room sight unseen, and the bathroom is totally lacking in privacy. I rented a room with a few people slopeside at Big White ski area, and the bathroom was basically a converted cupboard with western style saloon half doors and a tape deck with sounds of the ocean that you were supposed to crank up when the going got loud. Nothing like the sounds of pooping while your trying to go to sleep five feet away.[/QUOTE]

the sound is not the problem..it's the smell.

If you fart every day, then your use to it by now.
 
[quote name='javeryh']It warms my heart to know whenever fecal matter is mentioned you are thinking of me.[/quote]
Don't you mean, "warms my bowels?"

Kind of like the saying, your ears turn red when someone's talking about you?
 
[quote name='Killer Rabbit']Don't you mean, "warms my bowels?"

Kind of like the saying, your ears turn red when someone's talking about you?[/QUOTE]
His hemorrhoids flare up.
 
Have you guys ever had a colonoscopy? The prep work for this exam is pretty intense:

1) first, you must mix a large container of Golytely (polyethylene glycol/electrolyte solution), filling with water until the designated mark on the container. Be sure to drink the solution within 48 hours of mixing

2) begin drinking the solution once it has been chilled in the fridge overnight. Drink as much as possible within 3 hours. Your first bowel movement will likely occur within an hour after beginning to drink the solution. Now this is important: make sure nobody else is around who may need to use the restroom while you are drinking this solution. Things could get ugly if you are interrupted, and have to wait to use the toilet.

3) when you begin to feel a slight rumbling in your gut, make sure you are within 8-10 feet of a toilet for the next 4-6 hours.

4) your first bowel movement will be one of the loudest, most intense explosions to ever eminate from your anus.

5) continue drinking the solution, even while you are cascading liquid feces from your bowels on the toilet. Remember, as much solution as possible must be consumed prior to your exam the next day.

6) over the next hour, you will likely be running (literally) to the toilet every 5-10 minutes. If you were to challenge an Olympic 100-meter sprinter during this time, you might stand a decent chance of winning. The gas and liquid that deluges from your ass would be most entertaining to a roommate or friend who may happen to be sitting in the living room. This is especially true if said roommate is expecting the outcome that results from this type of preparation prior to a colonoscopy.

7) by now, your fecal matter will have been evacuated entirely from your bowels, and you should be simply leaking fluids from your anus, much like if you were to fill a pitcher with water and pour is into the toilet from approximately 3 inches above the bowl. All the while, your friend/roommate in the next room is doubled over with laughter and complaining of a cramp in his stomach from laughing/screaming so much at your situation.

I should probably be preparing for another test within the next year or so...
 
Have you guys ever had a colonoscopy? The prep work for this exam is pretty intense:

1) first, you must mix a large container of Golytely (polyethylene glycol/electrolyte solution), filling with water until the designated mark on the container. Be sure to drink the solution within 48 hours of mixing

2) begin drinking the solution once it has been chilled in the fridge overnight. Drink as much as possible within 3 hours. Your first bowel movement will likely occur within an hour after beginning to drink the solution. Now this is important: make sure nobody else is around who may need to use the restroom while you are drinking this solution. Things could get ugly if you are interrupted, and have to wait to use the toilet.

3) when you begin to feel a slight rumbling in your gut, make sure you are within 8-10 feet of a toilet for the next 4-6 hours.

4) your first bowel movement will be one of the loudest, most intense explosions to ever eminate from your anus.

5) continue drinking the solution, even while you are cascading liquid feces from your bowels on the toilet. Remember, as much solution as possible must be consumed prior to your exam the next day.

6) over the next hour, you will likely be running (literally) to the toilet every 5-10 minutes. If you were to challenge an Olympic 100-meter sprinter during this time, you might stand a decent chance of winning. The gas and liquid that deluges from your ass would be most entertaining to a roommate or friend who may happen to be sitting in the living room. This is especially true if said roommate is expecting the outcome that results from this type of preparation prior to a colonoscopy.

7) by now, your fecal matter will have been evacuated entirely from your bowels, and you should be simply leaking fluids from your anus, much like if you were to fill a pitcher with water and pour it into the toilet from approximately 3 inches above the bowl. All the while, your friend/roommate in the next room is doubled over with laughter and complaining of a cramp in his stomach from laughing/screaming so much at your situation.

I should probably be preparing for another test within the next year or so...
 
[quote name='shieryda']Have you guys ever had a colonoscopy? The prep work for this exam is pretty intense:

1) first, you must mix a large container of Golytely (polyethylene glycol/electrolyte solution), filling with water until the designated mark on the container. Be sure to drink the solution within 48 hours of mixing[/quote]

That Golytely shit is used by old school doctors. Most people I know that have had a colonoscopy have just used the Fleet stuff. It's like 8 oz. and you can mix with with sprite, apple juice, etc.
 
I never had a roommate in my entire life, so that was never the case. However, if I use the bathroom, I shut my bedroom door, and my master bedroom door, so nothing can be heard.

In relation to this thread, farts are not allowed in my apartment (unless you are in the bathroom). If you gotta fart, you better do it in the bathroom. Farting out loud is disrespectful and makes the apartment spell bad, so I rather people do it in the bathroom.
 
[quote name='shieryda']Have you guys ever had a colonoscopy? The prep work for this exam is pretty intense:

1) first, you must mix a large container of Golytely (polyethylene glycol/electrolyte solution), filling with water until the designated mark on the container. Be sure to drink the solution within 48 hours of mixing

2) begin drinking the solution once it has been chilled in the fridge overnight. Drink as much as possible within 3 hours. Your first bowel movement will likely occur within an hour after beginning to drink the solution. Now this is important: make sure nobody else is around who may need to use the restroom while you are drinking this solution. Things could get ugly if you are interrupted, and have to wait to use the toilet.

3) when you begin to feel a slight rumbling in your gut, make sure you are within 8-10 feet of a toilet for the next 4-6 hours.

4) your first bowel movement will be one of the loudest, most intense explosions to ever eminate from your anus.

5) continue drinking the solution, even while you are cascading liquid feces from your bowels on the toilet. Remember, as much solution as possible must be consumed prior to your exam the next day.

6) over the next hour, you will likely be running (literally) to the toilet every 5-10 minutes. If you were to challenge an Olympic 100-meter sprinter during this time, you might stand a decent chance of winning. The gas and liquid that deluges from your ass would be most entertaining to a roommate or friend who may happen to be sitting in the living room. This is especially true if said roommate is expecting the outcome that results from this type of preparation prior to a colonoscopy.

7) by now, your fecal matter will have been evacuated entirely from your bowels, and you should be simply leaking fluids from your anus, much like if you were to fill a pitcher with water and pour is into the toilet from approximately 3 inches above the bowl. All the while, your friend/roommate in the next room is doubled over with laughter and complaining of a cramp in his stomach from laughing/screaming so much at your situation.

I should probably be preparing for another test within the next year or so...[/QUOTE]


shit I had a that procedure where they look down your throat AND a Colonscopy at the same time. Knocked out cold. Anyways they gave me these pills and drinks. The memory of the bowl crash after spiderman 3 will be with me for the rest of my life!
 
That pre-colonoscopy thing sounds pretty damn fun. Can I just do that, without the doctor sticking his rod up my ass part that comes afterwards? I could use a good cleaning out.
 
[quote name='shieryda']Have you guys ever had a colonoscopy? The prep work for this exam is pretty intense:

I should probably be preparing for another test within the next year or so...[/quote]
Youtube video diary.
 
[quote name='evilmax17']Youtube video diary.[/quote]

Oh, hell yes! I'll have to borrow a camera once I start prepping!

That pre-colonoscopy thing sounds pretty damn fun. Can I just do that, without the doctor sticking his rod up my ass part that comes afterwards? I could use a good cleaning out.
Click to expand...

Indeed you can. But you need a prescription for the Golytely. Better to buy a few of those Fleet enemas. There is also a suppository that you can stick up your butt for that extra explosive power.
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']That pre-colonoscopy thing sounds pretty damn fun. Can I just do that, without the doctor sticking his rod up my ass part that comes afterwards? I could use a good cleaning out.[/QUOTE]


Milking the prostate would be easier than that... Ask Steve Stiffler!
 
BEST THREAD EVER!

My roomates told me that there was a kid in their highschool that sprayed shit all over the stall and the bathroom AND THE CIELING! Thats right the cieling.

We argued and debated and debated but they swore on it, they kept swearing it was true and I was like "No way, no way someone can shit on the Cieling."

As you might imagine the conversation covered gymnastics, body position and flexibility, as well as colon strength, propulsion, and we even touched on some complex physics.

The only reasonable explanation I could reach is that he shit on his hand or something and flung it up there. Any others you can think of?
 
[quote name='pittpizza']BEST THREAD EVER!

My roomates told me that there was a kid in their highschool that sprayed shit all over the stall and the bathroom AND THE CIELING! Thats right the cieling.

We argued and debated and debated but they swore on it, they kept swearing it was true and I was like "No way, no way someone can shit on the Cieling."

As you might imagine the conversation covered gymnastics, body position and flexibility, as well as colon strength, propulsion, and we even touched on some complex physics.

The only reasonable explanation I could reach is that he shit on his hand or something and flung it up there. Any others you can think of?[/quote]I want your roommates, mine are too modest to have an in depth conversation on the Science of Shitting.
 
Dude we had so many cool conversations like this. I say "had" because it was many years ago when I was in college but yeah, college is great for educated discussions of silly nonsensical topics.

It also helped that we were smokers (and jokers and midnight tokers).
 
[quote name='pittpizza']Dude we had so many cool conversations like this. I say "had" because it was many years ago when I was in college but yeah, college is great for educated discussions of silly nonsensical topics.

It also helped that we were smokers (and jokers and midnight tokers).[/quote]All my roommates argue about is the merits of the DBZ live action movie, and what the name of Dane Cooks character was in the movie Mystery Men.
 
[quote name='Sofa King Kool']No, but I once took a dump as long as my forearm.

It was work of art.[/QUOTE]

i agree. shit is art.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']BEST THREAD EVER!

My roomates told me that there was a kid in their highschool that sprayed shit all over the stall and the bathroom AND THE CIELING! Thats right the cieling.

We argued and debated and debated but they swore on it, they kept swearing it was true and I was like "No way, no way someone can shit on the Cieling."

As you might imagine the conversation covered gymnastics, body position and flexibility, as well as colon strength, propulsion, and we even touched on some complex physics.

The only reasonable explanation I could reach is that he shit on his hand or something and flung it up there. Any others you can think of?[/quote]
Wow. That's epic.

I'd say he might have also used a mop. Y'know, he could use a mop to wipe his bottom, just like the ancient Romans used sponges on sticks. It wouldn't take too long of a mop to reach the ceiling.

...Yeah. No matter what, there's no way someone could pass off crapping on the ceiling like that as an accident. I'd like to hear someone try, though.

"Yeah, um...about that. So, I was sitting on the can, letting it all flow out. Then all of the sudden, I heard the distinctive sound of a grenade pin being pulled. So, naturally, I hit the deck, and kneeled down, covering my head with my hands. When the grenade blew, it literally scared the poo out of me. And since my butt was aimed at a 45-degree angle with the ground, the poo went straight for the wall and ceiling. Sorry. Here's a mop."
 
I once laid some pipe that went from the very bottom/back of the hole all the way up into the front where it stuck out of the water 3-4 inches. It was also flanked by a loaf around 8 inches on each side. It was amazing. It was so big, it had to carved into segments and thrown into the garbage as not even a dozen flushes budged it. I took a picture, but when I got the roll developed it was just blacked out. :cry:
 
Oh man. I forgot about the day I got back from Ireland. They gave us ham and cheese sandwiches on the flight back to Chicago. In addition to the 8 Guinness I cosumed, the sandwich created a vile stew in my gut. When my sister-in-law picked us up from the airport, I could already tell something bad was going on within my intestines and stomach.

I got back to my apartment around 8PM, and for the next 2 hours, I was unleashing holy fury upon the toilet. Still living with the same roommate from the colonscopy story previously posted, some of the loudest ass bombs and screaming were coming from the apartment that I'm sure that building had ever witnessed. I don't know what the hell was in that airline sandwich, but the gas it created could have measured significantly on the Ricter scale. I think I actually ripped my anus a couple times.
 
[quote name='shieryda']Oh man. I forgot about the day I got back from Ireland. They gave us ham and cheese sandwiches on the flight back to Chicago. In addition to the 8 Guinness I cosumed, the sandwich created a vile stew in my gut. When my sister-in-law picked us up from the airport, I could already tell something bad was going on within my intestines and stomach.

I got back to my apartment around 8PM, and for the next 2 hours, I was unleashing holy fury upon the toilet. Still living with the same roommate from the colonscopy story previously posted, some of the loudest ass bombs and screaming were coming from the apartment that I'm sure that building had ever witnessed. I don't know what the hell was in that airline sandwich, but the gas it created could have measured significantly on the Ricter scale. I think I actually ripped my anus a couple times.[/QUOTE]

No Way in hell the Ricter scale could be used to measure what came out of your ass that night LOL!!!
 
Maybe the rectal scale could measure it.

Back to the highschool ceiling shittter, I dont think he used a mop man. The way my roomies described it, the kid was running down the hall between classes because the teacher wouldnt let him go during class.

He was running with a pale and clammy/sweaty look on his face, with his right arm behind him holding his ass. They said he sprinted to the bathroom and when people followed him in there, there was already shit dripping from the ceiling.

I think maybe he put his hand in his pants before he coudl get em down to help hold it in, and then was so disgusted when he busted all over it he just flicked it everywhere.
 
[quote name='ITDEFX']No Way in hell the Ricter scale could be used to measure what came out of your ass that night LOL!!![/quote]

The bowl was rattled. Okay, then maybe a decibel meter would have been more appropriate.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']Maybe the rectal scale could measure it.

Back to the highschool ceiling shittter, I dont think he used a mop man. The way my roomies described it, the kid was running down the hall between classes because the teacher wouldnt let him go during class.

He was running with a pale and clammy/sweaty look on his face, with his right arm behind him holding his ass. They said he sprinted to the bathroom and when people followed him in there, there was already shit dripping from the ceiling.

I think maybe he put his hand in his pants before he coudl get em down to help hold it in, and then was so disgusted when he busted all over it he just flicked it everywhere.[/quote]
You need to think with portals.

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[quote name='thegarageband']You need to think with portals.

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[/quote]

fucking classic! I'd pay good money for a framed lithograph of that!
 
Wow, garageband, you have me ROFLMAO!!!

Framed lithograph! WTF!? That is some seriously shitty talent you've got there.

I never considered the completely reasonable and sensible "portal" explanation. Perhaps his school used portalpotties?
 
Now you're thinking with portals.

Also, might as well tell you my horror stories. This past month has been the worst for the ol poop machine. Been drinking like crazy, and now if I drink too much, I get mean gas...and well...I've learned not to eat right before or during my drinking.

About two weeks ago I went to a kickback, and they had pizza. So I'm grubbing down like four slices and drinking, and as the night goes on I keep pounding and pounding like there's no tomorrow.

I get home and knock out really buzzing it. Well about two hours later, I wake up, still buzzed but with this huge pang of pain in my lower stomach, and my bottom...well for lack of better terms, I'll use a Rocko's Modern Life quote.

My bottom burbled. So there I am, running to the ol porcelain God, and I swear I just pulled my pants down without unzipping or taking off the belt, and just let her rip. The aftermath?

There was a log about the size of my foot, mindlessly floating amidst a rain of plastered on flakes of fecal matter. Not only did it require about 5 flushes to flush, but I had to scrub it down as well.

Also, what's this about Javeryh being the poop god? /r/ relevant information
 
I've heard the same reply as the original post. Some girl at work must been laying down some SBDs because everybody thought there was a gas leak. Seriously it smelled like a gas leak.

So this other female employee goes goes up to her after we all punched out to show a picture from her purse of what she looked like before losing about 200 pounds. The first girl just says, and I quote: "Can't talk, gotta shit!" and runs full tilt for the bathroom while the one girl just stands there speechless with picture in hand. I laughed my ass off all the way home.
 
we had a kid freshman year leave elephant sized turds in the urninals.... amazing ... since the kid was so tiny.. nobody could imagine he could shit out baby sized turds.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']Wow, garageband, you have me ROFLMAO!!!

Framed lithograph! WTF!? That is some seriously shitty talent you've got there.

I never considered the completely reasonable and sensible "portal" explanation. Perhaps his school used portalpotties?[/quote]
I see what you did there.

:drool:
 
Oh...THAT shitting in the urinals incident; I was thinking it was a different story. Ikohn already told me about that but I am sure the thread would appreciate more details. Let er rip Ikohn, make with the shiturinals story.
 
I remember the gym shitters were always overflowing with feces.

Rancid, goopy almost as if it they were blended kind of feces.

And every day they would have new recruits. My guess? The football team. That or the remnants of the $$$$$$ry that went on behind the closed doors of the football team's weight room.
 
[quote name='thegarageband']I remember the gym shitters were always overflowing with feces.

Rancid, goopy almost as if it they were blended kind of feces.

And every day they would have new recruits. My guess? The football team. That or the remnants of the $$$$$$ry that went on behind the closed doors of the football team's weight room.[/quote]

Gross. I never shat at school. I only lived 2 blocks away, so I'd be prairie-dogging by the time I got home. But, I was not about to take a dump in a bathroom with no doors on the stalls. Not only that, but the lockerroom had no stalls at all. Just 3 toilets lined up side by side, with the urinals directly in front of them. If some tried to shit in that one, and someone was pissing at the urinal, they would have an ass directly in their face.

Whomever designed that bathroom was either gay or a complete moron.
 
Right before I was set to do a radio show today, my stomache started rumbling. So I kick down the door of our floors Handicapped Stall, and let it rip. But it was amazing. It was one of those shits where, afterwards, when you whipe your ass, there is barely any fecal matter left. It's like it made a clean escape from my bowels, and didn't touch or rub up against anything on its way out. I know I'm not the only one who has had these kinds of craps, right?
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']Right before I was set to do a radio show today, my stomache started rumbling. So I kick down the door of our floors Handicapped Stall, and let it rip. But it was amazing. It was one of those shits where, afterwards, when you whipe your ass, there is barely any fecal matter left. It's like it made a clean escape from my bowels, and didn't touch or rub up against anything on its way out. I know I'm not the only one who has had these kinds of craps, right?[/QUOTE]

Those are the best kind. No mess to clean up afterward.
 
[quote name='shieryda']Those are the best kind. No mess to clean up afterward.[/QUOTE]


Mcdonalds food and some other types do that to me :)
 
The worst is when you go into a bathroom and some guy is sitting there taking a shit and making so much goddamn noise with long extended farts continuously, but it gets even more out of control when he finishes (knowing you're standing there washing your hands) and he comes out of the stall and acts all friendly.

I remember in high school the locker room had 1 stall with just a half wall in front of it, right next to a urinal and sink. I would never poop there, but one day I had to go really bad so I did, and it stank so bad that every single person who walked by became disgusted and were making remarks about how bad the smell was.

Another time when I was in elementary school we were at recess and one of my friends starting crying because he fell in a pile of shit. It was from a human, a big huge pile near the swings with socks covered in shit next to it. I guess someone had to go!
 
I never take a shit in a public restroom without doing three things...

1. making sure there is no * dirty * seats

2. Putting down TWO layers of toilet paper to cover where my butt cheeks will touch.

3. Making sure that the door is lockable and CAN'T be open easily by someone on the outside.

I had to take a dump once at a Chinese restaurant last week and even though I had to go really bad, number 3 made it impossible to go as the door could be easily pulled by anyone coming in! :O
 
[quote name='J7.']
I remember in high school the locker room had 1 stall with just a half wall in front of it, right next to a urinal and sink. I would never poop there, but one day I had to go really bad so I did, and it stank so bad that every single person who walked by became disgusted and were making remarks about how bad the smell was.
[/quote]

Not as bad as my middle school bathroom. All three stalls had no doors because the janitors got tired of fixing them and just left them off. Worse was the wall across from it had a giant mirror. Anybody walking by in the hallway at a certain angle had a direct view of whoever was laying some cable.
 
Speaking of fucked up school bathrooms, I remember one time I went to take a leak, it smelled like pure ass. I checked out the toilets and one had shit everywhere: on the floor, seat, on the edge of the wall. There was toilet paper all over the floor.

Another time a friend of mine said there was blood all in one of the urinals. :applause:
 
Ya in elementary school we had 3 stalls and one of them had no door and one did not lock. In middle school there was 1 stall with no door, looking back thats messed up.
 
Used to be a bathroom at my elementary school that always had shit in all three toilets even though they flushed perfectly. We used to call them the Three Musketeers.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']Used to be a bathroom at my elementary school that always had shit in all three toilets even though they flushed perfectly. We used to call them the Three Musketeers.[/quote]

:applause:
 
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