How do you wipe your ass?

Quackzilla

Quackzilla

CAGiversary!
Feedback
5 (100%)
Most people don't realise that there are in fact four different ways to wipe your ass.

Please make your vote on whether you fold or scrunch the toilet paper, and whener you sit or stand while wiping.

This is a serious topic, don't lie on the poll and don't thread crap.
Poop jokes are okay.
 
It would be interesting to see what personality types are going with what votes. Like, is there a link between scrunching and an arty brain? Is a folder apt to be more mathematical?
 
[quote name='Quackzilla']I am a mathematical person, and I fold.[/QUOTE]

Same here, but it could just mean we have OCD, too. Math might have nothing to do with it.
 
I use baby wipes. I do not see that on the poll. It gets all the crap out nice and clean. I do not understand how people only use TP. The shit in ass stays with that!
 
[quote name='the3rdkey']I use baby wipes. I do not see that on the poll. It gets all the crap out nice and clean. I do not understand how people only use TP. The shit in ass stays with that![/QUOTE]
That's just you, there would only be 1 vote for that option.

Unless you mean you use baby wipes to finish, then vote on what you do before that step.
 
Working in the corporate world, it would appear many *higher ups* do none of the above. Countless times they chit chat with their cronies (that's how I know who it is) they close the door, drop a sprayer, then no paper rustling, nothing, stand up, flush, then head out the door. Nasty bastards. I guess when you make that much, your shit doesn't stink....or touch your ass for that matter.
 
[quote name='howlinmad']Working in the corporate world, it would appear many *higher ups* do none of the above. Countless times they chit chat with their cronies (that's how I know who it is) they close the door, drop a sprayer, then no paper rustling, nothing, stand up, flush, then head out the door. Nasty bastards. I guess when you make that much, your shit doesn't stink....or touch your ass for that matter.[/QUOTE]


maybe they got one of those things that shoot water up their butts and cleans it for them
 
[quote name='slidecage']maybe they got one of those things that shoot water up their butts and cleans it for them[/QUOTE]

Don't knock it until you've tried it. I also don't understand why we use dry paper to wipe our ass. I fold always - I sit down to get one angle and I stand to get the other. If I'm at home I use a little soap and water too.
 
scrunched, sitting, gets more out :p!, i remember this one kid in my psych class 2 yrs back said he used baby wipes..not a bad idea...
 
[quote name='slidecage']maybe they got one of those things that shoot water up their butts and cleans it for them[/QUOTE]

Nope, they use the same thing the rest of us low lifes use while at work.
 
[quote name='E-Z-B']I don't use TP, I use Nintendo Power.[/QUOTE]


ive actually used a page out of nintendo power once..no TP..so..take THAT wussy gaming ;)!
 
[quote name='slidecage']maybe they got one of those things that shoot water up their butts and cleans it for them[/QUOTE]

There called Baday (sp?) I'm similiar to the baby wipe one or just wet toliet paper, how anyone wipes with dry toliet paper and leaves all clean is beyond me.
 
This isn't a creativity poll, it's just for toilet paper users. If you use wipes, soap and water, or shoot water up your butt post but don't vote.
 
[quote name='the3rdkey']I use baby wipes. I do not see that on the poll. It gets all the crap out nice and clean. I do not understand how people only use TP. The shit in ass stays with that![/QUOTE]

Mark down another baby wipe (flushable, of course!) user...I love 'em!

I am actually a combo user, start with the wet wipe, dry off with regular TP. And you can't use that wimpy Charmin stuff, or you end up with little flecks of paper on your ass. Nope, it's gotta be the el-cheapo Scott 1000 sheets-per-roll paper; you know, the one with the wood chips still in it.
 
How does one wipe one's ass standing up? Don't the ass cheeks squeeze together, making a clean wipe impossible?
 
I used to be a stand-upper when I was younger. In terms of the cheeks pressing together, you do have two hands and it only takes one to wipe...I stopped standing up when I got subconscious in public bathrooms. Nobody "watches" you, but people would notice if someone was standing up in there - so I converted to a sitter. I'd be interested to know if you standers out there work in a location with public bathrooms and/or feel self-conscious about standing while other people are walking around.

For the baby wipes - can you flush those? They're so thick I would think they'd clog the toilet. I'd think that would be pretty nasty to throw them in the trash...
 
[quote name='jputahraptor']There called Baday (sp?) I'm similiar to the baby wipe one or just wet toliet paper, how anyone wipes with dry toliet paper and leaves all clean is beyond me.[/QUOTE]

Bidet.

I fold. Maybe it is an OCD thing ... :lol:
 
I can't sit... the first time I did it my hand hit the water. :puke: I'm a reach around, front to back stander.
 
I don't understand standing? You stand and squeeze your cheeks together and get shit everywhere? Or you stand/squat like a little girl taking a pee at a Dave Mathew's Concert? Sitting with some leaning seems to make much more sense.

Also, in the same vein, does everyone wipe once, twice etc? I usually do three times for extra cleanliness. Alternating back to front and front to back.
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']I don't understand standing? You stand and squeeze your cheeks together and get shit everywhere? Or you stand/squat like a little girl taking a pee at a Dave Mathew's Concert? Sitting with some leaning seems to make much more sense.

Also, in the same vein, does everyone wipe once, twice etc? I usually do three times for extra cleanliness. Alternating back to front and front to back.[/QUOTE]

Dude, I wipe all up in the hole. Sometimes it bleeds.
 
Folded. I wipe 'til it's clean, using dry tp then wet wipes. front to back with a lean to the left reaching under on the right.
 
Standing to wipe? I've never heard of such a thing.
I go folded and sitting and wipe till its all gone and wash my hands.
 
What about those motorized Japanese Toilets that shoot water in your ass. Has anyone tried those? (Cheapy?)

I heard that you dont need toilet paper because the spray is so powerful. I'm not sure if this is true or not though.
 
I've never tried it sitting down in my life. I may just have to try that sometime, I think I will the next time I drop one.
 
[quote name='javeryh']Don't knock it until you've tried it. I also don't understand why we use dry paper to wipe our ass. I fold always - I sit down to get one angle and I stand to get the other. If I'm at home I use a little soap and water too.[/QUOTE]

Seriously I cant believe this was posted...

ok what about fron tot back or back to front?
 
[quote name='Xevious']What about those motorized Japanese Toilets that shoot water in your ass. Has anyone tried those? (Cheapy?)

I heard that you dont need toilet paper because the spray is so powerful. I'm not sure if this is true or not though.[/QUOTE]

Supposedly that is how it works but then of course the japanese are a weird bunch.
 
[quote name='Mr Unoriginal']I don't understand standing? You stand and squeeze your cheeks together and get shit everywhere? Or you stand/squat like a little girl taking a pee at a Dave Mathew's Concert? Sitting with some leaning seems to make much more sense.

Also, in the same vein, does everyone wipe once, twice etc? I usually do three times for extra cleanliness. Alternating back to front and front to back.[/QUOTE]

It helps to lift a leg.
 
I used to be a stander, but a few years ago I saw a pol similar to this on a modding site, and I thought I would try an alternate method.

I wiped sitting, and it was like a whole new experience, it is just so much better.

I also tried scrunching the TP, but that didn't last, I just don't like to do it that way, I am a lifetime folder.
 
[quote name='Quackzilla']I used to be a stander, but a few years ago I saw a pol similar to this on a modding site, and I thought I would try an alternate method.

I wiped sitting, and it was like a whole new experience, it is just so much better.

I also tried scrunching the TP, but that didn't last, I just don't like to do it that way, I am a lifetime folder.[/QUOTE]

Same with me. Sitting is just so much better. It's also cleaner because you can get in there better - there's no place for the dingleberries to hide.
 
[quote name='Elriciii']ask a filipino person how they wipe after number two. for a third world country they take their hygiene very seriously.[/QUOTE]

Well, since you asked:

A small bowl, soap, water from the bathroom sink, and bare hands. Dip one hand in water. Follow up by rolling the soap in that hand to build up a good amount of lather. Wipe ass with soapy hand. Rinse as needed using other hand to hold small bown of water. If the water runs out, pour more in using un-ass-touched hand to put bowl in sink and work the faucet. Repeat until feeling of cleanliness is felt. After ass is clean, pat (not wipe) ass using folded TP until thoroughly dry. Take folded TP and wipe around toilet ring for spilled drops of water using un-ass-touched hand. Stand up and button up pants and turn on faucet using un-ass-touched hand. Thoroughly scrub ass-touching hand until feeling of cleanliness is felt (or hand is raw red).

If all this is not available, then just dry TP like normal and wait until arriving at home to do the process but it is usually done right after arriving through the front door and straight into the bathroom.
 
sitting down, toilet paper wrapped around my right hand, leaned over to the left, under the back right cheek, front to back, do that at least two more times with clean tp wrapped around my right hand, maybe more times depending on how clean the tp looks
 
You have to be shitting me. Are you really that anal about your anus?

[quote name='jaykrue']Well, since you asked:

A small bowl, soap, water from the bathroom sink, and bare hands. Dip one hand in water. Follow up by rolling the soap in that hand to build up a good amount of lather. Wipe ass with soapy hand. Rinse as needed using other hand to hold small bown of water. If the water runs out, pour more in using un-ass-touched hand to put bowl in sink and work the faucet. Repeat until feeling of cleanliness is felt. After ass is clean, pat (not wipe) ass using folded TP until thoroughly dry. Take folded TP and wipe around toilet ring for spilled drops of water using un-ass-touched hand. Stand up and button up pants and turn on faucet using un-ass-touched hand. Thoroughly scrub ass-touching hand until feeling of cleanliness is felt (or hand is raw red).

If all this is not available, then just dry TP like normal and wait until arriving at home to do the process but it is usually done right after arriving through the front door and straight into the bathroom.[/QUOTE]
 
[quote name='Kayden']You have to be shitting me. Are you really that anal about your anus?[/QUOTE]

i think it would be easier to take a quick shower after shitting...which i do do sometimes if it's diarrhea (i said do do :lol: )
 
[quote name='bobo2k4']Supposedly that is how it works but then of course the japanese are a weird bunch.[/QUOTE]

It has to work well, considering what Japanese people eat-- Have you ever seen your crap after you eat sushi? That soft, soggy crap (literally) gets everywhere. The water jets in their bidets must be tsunami-strong.

And don't they use those toilets that you have to squat over rather than sitting on them? (that type is common in Asia)
 
[quote name='Kayden']You have to be shitting me. Are you really that anal about your anus?[/QUOTE]

Yeah, why not? Besides, on the off chance I meet a girl and kick it, do you really want her to go down on you (and if she's freaky, lick your ass) and have a smelly crotch/ass area? Because I clean thoroughly, I have many callbacks for repeat performances. ;):cool:

[quote name='The Successful Dropout']i think it would be easier to take a quick shower after shitting...which i do do sometimes if it's diarrhea (i said do do :lol: )[/QUOTE]

Actually, although, the process sounds long, it's actually quite quick. I do it so quickly now that it's about the same as just dry TPing.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
bread's done
Back
Top