Will trade any game from the past 12 months for your copy edit skills

B

bluedotlounge

CAGiversary!
Hi CAGers. It's Miguel from Examiner.com and the guy who runs some of those eye-straining DLC hunts in the Free section: http://www.examiner.com/x-13269-Gaming-Lifestyle-Examiner

Examiner is planning to make an update to the site that will prevent me from making changes to my previous articles, so it thought it would be a good time to clean some of them up. Since we don't not have copy editors to rely on, each Examiner is self-reliant on making their articles grammatically correct, and I know I have countless errors that I missed.

So I'm offering grammatically inclined CAGers to look over my work and list as many errors as they can find and even make content suggestions. So it's not that all different from my code hunts, except now it's an error hunt.

In exchange, the top 3 most helpful CAGers will be rewarded with a game of their choice. Despite that I've only written about 70 reviews, I've pretty much gotten every game that has been released on the past 12 months from the game publishers and I figured this would be a fun way to share the love. As an alternative, I also have a lot of shwag and tons of DVDs from anime publishers like Funimation and Bandai if you care to see a list.

How To Contribute:
1) Go though my articles and list any improvements you would like to suggest. This is also not limited to spelling and grammar errors. You can also include the following:
-Paragraph and sentence flow suggestions; eg. one of my sentences might technically be correct, but would actually flow better if I made a slight adjustment
-Overall article suggestions; eg. do my interviews rely on a narrow type of questioning?
-Content omissions; eg. does a particular review lack a key point I should have gone over? Note that some of my reviews are intentionally shorter than others, as I don't think something like Pure Futbol needs 1200+ words.
Don't be shy. I'm a big boy and can handle constructive criticism.

2) List your suggestions in a post on this thread. Please update that particular post with any new suggestions you have as you find them.

3) IMPORTANT: If you make a suggestion or find an error that someone already has posted, yours will not count.

4) This contest will end when Examiner makes their update which will occur in the next couple weeks.

I think that's it. The winners will be recognized here and can respond with their prize of choice. If you actually had fun participating in this, perhaps we can talk about some long-term resume-building editing arrangement.
 
Let's see what I can dig up. The very beginning seems to be a good place to start.

Format = #. Article Title | Error | Fix

7/19
1. Shooting Game Historica 3 released | shump (shoot 'em up) | shmup
2. Arcadespotting: After Burner Climax | among all the cabinets (seat beat included) | Assuming that should be seat belt. The bit near the end detailing how the game works seems a bit on the long side, as I think anyone that would be interested in checking the arcade out in-person would already have an idea of how it works.
3. Panzer Dragoon Mini review | they exhibit no decernable | discernible
7/20
4. Final Fantasy marathon details revealed | The next scheduled marathon will take place on August 14, and will be a 72-hour grind through the Mega Man series. | I think this would work better as the conclusion instead of one paragraph up.
5. Gaming 101: What can I expect when attending a focus group? | respect everyone's opinion and not to interrupt anyone. | and to not interrupt anyone.
6. Miami Law (DS) review | Texas hold 'em poker (Law's favorite game), | Texas Hold 'Em
7. Moki Moki preview | One upcoming game to the growing library of WiiWare titles is Natsume's Moki Moki. | Not a terribly catchy way to start the article.
8. Developer-driven fan club started for Shantae sequel | Released in 2002, Shantae sold modestly partially due to getting lost | sold modestly, partially due to
9. Shadow Complex review | platforming aspect has its challanges | challenges
10. Shadow Complex review | to achieve 100% exploration Hand 100% item acquisition | 100% exploration and 100% item
11. Shadow Complex review | where composers Josh Aker and Israel Curtis appear to channel Philip Glass to help bring the game to its climax. | Confusing metaphor, I don't think this is something the average reader would understand (such as myself).
12. Wolfenstein (Xbox) review | It is not lost on any first person shooter fan that the genre setting that the Wolfenstein franchise helped create makes it all the more harder for id Software to revisit their seminal series without the pressure of contemporary comparisons with the likes of Call of Duty, Battlefield and Medal of Honor. | Holy long sentences, Batman! It is not lost on any first person shooter fan that the genre-defining Wolfenstein franchise would be a challenge for id software to revisit, especially with benchmark games like Call of Duty and Battlefield today.
13. Dead Space: Extraction review | Dead Space proves how rails shooters can transcend | rail shooters
14. Samurai Warriors: State Of War PSP download giveaway | redemption code will be | Redemption code
7/21
15. LittleBigPlanet 24-Hour Game Jam Session finale | Mingling students, faulty, media | faculty
16. God of War Collection review | It is not surprising to that the music in both games | to find that the music
17. God of War Collection review | God of War 3 comes out March next year. | out in March of next year.
18. Baseball Blast! review | of the national pasttime ever | pastime
19. Military Madness: Nectaris review | when one's side has | when one side
20. Your Shape Featuring Jenny McCarthy (Wii) review | While from not utilizing the Wii Remote (except when creating a profile and navigating menus) Your Shape does encourage the use of fitness equipment such as free weights and balance balls. | Although Your Shape doesn't utilize the Wii Remote (except when creating a profile and navigating menus), it does encourage the use of fitness equipment such as free weights and balance balls.
21. Claymore: The Complete Series (DVD) review | It is at its best, Claymore's animation is some of the most impressive non-movie work Madhouse has ever produced. | When it is at its best, Claymore's...
22. Claymore: The Complete Series (DVD) review | by the studio's deliberate use to gray tones, | use of gray tones
23. Assassin's Creed II (Xbox 360, PS3) review | Executing successful counter moves, which require a keen eye and good timing are especially satisfying. | ...moves, which require a keen eye and good time, are...
24. Examiner has a 4-way with EA's Bad Company 2 (with screenshots) | for many journalist to | journalists
25. IL-2 Sturmovik: Birds Of Prey (PS3, Xbox 360) review | down thru conventional | through
26. Mafia II pin-up calendar giveaway | for us to giveaway to you | give away
27. Baccano! The Complete Series Box Set (DVD) review | Hardly many would be awestruck | Sounds odd, "Not many" or "Hardly any" work better.
28. Gradius ReBirth (WiiWare) review | classic shump series | shmup
29. Gradius ReBirth (WiiWare) review |any well-developed shump | shmup
30. Game Storage 101: Upgrading your PlayStation 3 hard drive | many early adoptors | adopters
31. Game Storage 101: Upgrading your PlayStation 3 hard drive | existing PS3 data unto | onto
32. Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom scouting report: Zero Vs. the Hero | His combos are easy to pull off, although they might be as damaging as other characters' combos. | Definitely not right, though I'm not sure if it should be "not as damaging as other..." or "and just as damaging as other..."
7/22
33. The Sky Crawlers: Innocent Aces (Wii) review | some of the earlier sorties | stories
34. Q & A with The Odd Gentlemen on P.B. Winterbottom | | This kept showing up at the end of your questions, though it's probably more of a website issue as most interviewers don't ask questions in HTML.
35. Hands on with Pokemon HeartGold / SoulSilver and the Pokewalker | batches of grass | patches
36. White Knight Chronicles 10 hours-in impressions | One promising talent is an actor named Nolan North who plays one of the supporting characters. If a game company were to take a chance on him, possibly in a leading role, there's a pretty good chance he will not disappoint. | I think this should be made more obvious that it's sarcasm (it is, right?) as you really have to push it harder than this in text for people to pick it up and know for sure it's sarcasm. At first I was like, "How does he not know who Nolan North is?" I would add something in about treasure hunting or the like, just to be sure we all know what's going on.
37. 0 Day Attack on Earth (XBLA) review | one's twin-stick shoot library | shooter
38. Heavy Rain review |ambivalent son Shawn | Shaun
39. Heavy Rain review | A bit on the long side compared to the other reviews. It didn't ramble or repeat, it was just much more in-depth than previous reviews. Since I'm going from old to new, I'm not yet sure if this is going to be consistent with newer reviews or not. There's also a download code still at the bottom.
40. Q&A with Final Fantasy XIII devs | development team are effectively done | is effectively done
41. Scenes from X10 plus screenshots | The mega-retro game collection of Game Room was featured and Twin Galaxies competitors Donald Hayes, world record holder on Centipede, and Laszlo Takacs, world record holder on Tempest were there to show off their skills. | ...was featured with Twin Galaxies competitors Donald Hayes, world record holder of Centipede, and Laszlo Takacs, world record holder of Tempest, showing off their skills.
42. 3D Dot Game Heroes preview | not-to-surprising | not-too-surprising
43. Postcards from Heavy Rain: Ethan Mars | sent out mysterious shoeboxes to press | the press (or media)
44. Q&A with Splinter Cell: Conviction's Patrick Redding | worked on projects were one of the goals | where
45. Q&A with Splinter Cell: Conviction's Patrick Redding | that the solider carries | soldier
46. Dynasty Warriors 6 Empires 5-hours-in-impressions | A full review will appear once I manage to beat all the scenarios. | Full review was never posted; I'd suggest either not including sentences like this in previews or at least saying "if" instead of "when".
47. Harvest Moon: My Little Shop preview | You can look forward to a thorough review of the game when it is released later this year. | Same deal as above.
7/23
48. Q&A with Fragile Dreams' Kentaro Kawashima | Baton Kaitos | Baten Kaitos
49. Q&A with Fragile Dreams' Kentaro Kawashima | By exploring Fragile's world | Fragile Dreams' world (sounds odd shortening it that much, especially twice in a row)
50. Brief chat with God of War III's Athena aka Erin Torpey | and speak to media. | the media.
51. Brief chat with God of War III's Athena aka Erin Torpey | He takes it to whole other level. | to a whole other level.
52. Secret code hunt of General Knoxx (Xbox 360) contest | and a 61 level cap. | and a new level cap of 61.
53. ModNation Racers customization preview | chassis, engines, spoilers and tires. | spoilers, and tires.
54. Final Fantasy XIII (PS3) review | The release of Final Fantasy XIII is a big event as any, | as big an event as any,
55. Final Fantasy XIII (PS3) review | Noruma's tendency | Nomura's
56. Final Fantasy XIII (PS3) review | just to stew in the visuals. | Stew? Maybe "soak in the visuals", never heard "stew" used like that before.
57. Final Fantasy XIII (PS3) review | Uemastsu's music | Uematsu's
58. Final Fantasy XIII (PS3) review | argue was lacking in XII. | were lacking
59. Crystals are also featured prominently and makes for a lasting touch in game worthy of bearing the Final Fantasy name. | Pretty weak concluding sentence, can probably just add on to the previous sentence instead: "...past installments, XIII overcomes its inadequacies, and proves it is a game worth of bearing the Final Fantasy name."
60. Scenes from the Final Fantasy XIII Launch Party | Expenses and accomidations | accommodations
61. Calling (Wii) review | cel phones | cell phones
62. Q&A with Mafia II's Denby Grace | experience at least from our perspective. | experience, at least from
63. Q&A with Quantic Dream's Guillaume De Fondaumiere on Heavy Rain (Part 1) | end up effecting the ending | affecting
64. Q&A with Quantic Dream's Guillaume De Fondaumiere on Heavy Rain (Part 1) | with Sony, We feel | with Sony. We feel
65. Q&A with Quantic Dream's Guillaume De Fondaumiere on Heavy Rain (Part 1) | second half our interview with | half of our
66. Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver (DS) review | Not to content with | Not content with
67. Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver (DS) review | For many, Pokémons appeal | Pokémon's
68. Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver (DS) review | where 103 Pokémon were caught and 9 badges were earned. | I haven't finished it yet, but I've never heard of a Pokemon game that has 9 badges instead of 8.
7/26
69. Infinite Space (DS) review | r&r facilities | R&R
70. Brief chat with Capcom's Robby Zinchak on Final Fight: Double Impact | a hugh fan favorite | huge
71. Q&A with Final Fantasy XIII's Snow Villiers aka Troy Baker | They have no problem bring characters back from that dead | bringing characters back from the dead
7/27
72. Heavy Rain Chronicles: The Taxidermist review | voiced by different actress | by a different actress
73. Q&A with Command & Conquer 4's Matthew Ott (Part 2) | Yes, Joe Koogan. | Joe Kucan
74. Scenes from Nintendo's Q1 Media Summit | company's various upcoming titles. Various product managers | Using "various" twice that close together is odd, there are lots of synonyms to use instead.
75. Q&A with God of War III lead game programmer Vassily Filippov | lead game prgrammer | programmer
76. Q&A with God of War III lead game programmer Vassily Filippov | We thought of asking him a few questions about his time with the game. | Not a very professional sounding intro to an interview. Just something like "We had a chance to ask him a few questions about his time with the game." works fine.
77. Red Steel 2 (Wii) review | , known as the Jackals, not to mention the game's other clans. | , known as the Jackals; one of the game's numerous clans.
78. Red Steel 2 (Wii) review | sounds of diving a sword down | sound of driving a sword
79. Q&A with Wideload Games' Patrick Curry on Guilty Party | Where these then developed | Were
80. Q&A with Wideload Games' Patrick Curry on Guilty Party | kids movies | kids' movies
81. Dante's Inferno: Trials of St. Lucia roundtable interview (Part 1) | As soon as we created Lucie | Lucy
82. Dante's Inferno: Trials of St. Lucia roundtable interview (Part 1) | reskined Dante | reskinned
83. SOCOM: U.S. Navy SEALs Fireteam Bravo 3 (PSP) review | hunting a down rogue agent. | down a rogue agent.
84. Catching up with Splinter Cell's Patrick Redding | issues and bugs’ and then | bugs (no apostrophe)
85. Catching up with Splinter Cell's Patrick Redding | like Yes this is what we were talking about doing' | 'Yes this... (add apostrophe)
86. MotoGP 09/10 (Xbox 360/PS3) review | were one is severely penalized | where
87. MotoGP 09/10 (Xbox 360/PS3) review | number of tasks the one can accept | that one can accept
88. Q&A with Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time director Mike Newell | force and audience to do anything | an audience
89. Q&A with Black Rock Studio's Jason Green on Split/Second | made it incredible easy | incredibly
90. Q&A with Black Rock Studio's Jason Green on Split/Second | to come up this track-as-the-weapon set up | come up with this
91. Sakura Wars: So Long, My Love (PS2/Wii) review | Lord of the Rings: Aragron's Quest | Aragorn's
92.Castlevania: Lords of Shadow impressions and screenshots | this writer is could not help but feel optimistic | this writer could not help
93. Rush 'N Attack Ex-Patriot impressions and screenshots | main weapon is a knife though firearms and supplies can be found | a knife, though
94. Splinter Cell: Conviction (Xbox 360/PC) review | better shot that taking the enemy down. | at taking the
95. Q&A with United Front Games' Dan Sochan on ModNation Racers | community manager, Ramone Russell and he's | manager, Ramone Russell, and
96. Final Fantasy XIII Play Arts -KAI- images: Snow Villers | Snow Villiers
97. Dante's Inferno: Trials of St. Lucia roundtable interview (Part 2) | a game play scripter | gameplay
98. After Burner Climax (XBLA/PSN) review | so much so that such visuals are what many fans have come to expect from the company's subsequent arcade release. It has never been more so... | Repetitive, kind of a tongue-twister at first. Try "so much so that these visuals" and "It has never been more apparent..."
99. After Burner Climax (XBLA/PSN) review | tasked to fulfilled a sub-goal | fulfill
100. After Burner Climax (XBLA/PSN) review | The latter, with its confining spaces and countless hazards can | hazards, can (add comma)
101. After Burner Climax (XBLA/PSN) review | It does help that the more one plays, but more one has access to the various parts of the EX Options | It does help that the more one plays, access to EX Options are unlocked, which...
102. After Burner Climax (XBLA/PSN) review | EX Options, which offers everything | offer
7/28
103. Blacklight: Tango Down hands-on impressions | on a original | an original
104. Blacklight: Tango Down hands-on impressions | with size limits of XBLA and PSN | within the size limits
105. Q&A with Split/Second design manager Serkan Hassan | How do it make it my friend? | How do I make... (unless of course that's actually what he said, but I'm guessing not)
106. Q&A with Split/Second design manager Serkan Hassan | How do use it to best fit my interests? | How do I use... (same theory as above)
107. Outrun This Climax contest | Or you try your luck against Examiner | Or you can try...
108. Alan Wake (Xbox 360) review | a compellingly visual world, | compelling
109. Alan Wake (Xbox 360) review | frivolous characters that had it been another game, would have just one or two lines. | frivolous characters that only have a line or two, which occur so often in other games.
110. Alan Wake (Xbox 360) review | convincing level running stamina | level of running stamina
111. Alan Wake (Xbox 360) review | there other many other environments | there are many other environments
112. Alan Wake (Xbox 360) review | game's lightning accomplishments | lighting
113. Q&A with Bulletstorm producer Tanya Jessen | It’s not about when to break, | brake (referring to cars)
114. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 1) | scenerios | scenarios
115. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 1) | player would, every minute or so, push telling us if they're having fun or not | ...or so, push, telling... (add comma)
116. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 2) | hugh asset | huge
117. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 2) | your ideas isn't | idea
118. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 2) | intergrated | integrated
119. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 2) | Early in preproduction was were like "Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!" | preproduction, we were like...
120. Q&A with The Mustard Brothers on Shadow Complex (Part 2) | It would an amazing thought | would be an
121. Alpha Protocol (Xbox/PS3/PC) review | gain information, supplies and money, | information, supplies, and money,
122. Free Running (Wii) review | One would think 15 years worth platforming within the 3D space | 15 years' worth of platforming
123. Dragon Ball Z Kai Season 1/Part 1 (DVD/Blu-ray) review | ever committed home video. | committed to home video.
7/29
124. Q&A with Transformers: War For Cybertron director Matt Tieger (Part 1) | Shadow of the Coloussus | Shadow of the Colossus (this appears twice)
125. Photo Dojo media tournament recap | unique game, but sure to check out | , be sure to check out
126. Q&A with Transformers: War For Cybertron director Matt Tieger (Part 2) | And the interesting with Transformers | the interesting thing with (I'm assuming, but it is part of an interview so can't be sure)
127. Q&A with JC Smith on the Pokemon Video Game Championships | Still a download code in this article, I'm guessing it's expired
128. Q&A with JC Smith on the Pokemon Video Game Championships | Bialgia | That's certainly not a Pokemon, I'm thinking it should be Dialga
129. Q&A with JC Smith on the Pokemon Video Game Championships | people we using | were using
130. Q&A with JC Smith on the Pokemon Video Game Championships | butI think | but I think (missing a space)
131. Q&A with puzzle master Wei-Hwa Huang on Picross 3D | invitiation-only | invitation-only
132. Up in the air with PlayFirst CEO Mari Baker | Mari's alma mater, Stanford University or spotting | , Stanford University, or (missing comma)
133. Up in the air with PlayFirst CEO Mari Baker | book, Only The Paranoid Survive which | , Only the Paranoid Survive, which (missing comma)
134. Q&A with Guerrilla Games on Killzone 3 (Part 1) | Two more download codes (unless it is current, there's not really a way to tell)
135. Q&A with Guerrilla Games on Killzone 3 (Part 2) | Care of elaborate? | Care to elaborate?
136. Q&A with Guerrilla Games on Killzone 3 (Part 2) | Posidon | Poseidon
137. Rin ~Daughters of Mnemosyne (DVD/Blu-ray) review | her adapt hacking skills | adept
138. Inception movie review | The Usual Suspects to Dark City to The Cell to A Beautiful Mind to Identity to Fight Club to The Thirteenth Floor to Vanilla Sky. | Yikes that's long! Usually a "X to Y" comparison should be two, maybe three items. Not 8!

xx. Original Forum Post | the top 3 most helpful CAGers | CAGs :shame:

Well, looks like that's finally it! Every word of every article! :whee:

Random Notes: The majority of the articles are good as-is, unless I really wanted to start grasping at straws. The writing style and word choice is good, very professional and easy to read. So most of the errors I'm picking out are just plain grammar or spelling mistakes. And yes, I plan on reading every word of every article. It can be rather dangerous to tempt a CAG with a free game. :roll:

One thing that I honestly can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing, is how every review seems to glorify the game in question and practically sold me on a few that I know are barely worth my time. I'm pretty sure I would write the same way though in your position; it's tough to pick a game apart when you know first-hand how much love goes into making even the not-so-good ones.

I also appreciate the sporatic anime articles. I do like me some good anime every once in a while, but not enough to follow an anime blog or anything; so the select pieces of anime sprinkled in is a welcome addition in my book.

The "unedited" interviews are nice. Some(most) of the people interviewed rambled or had interesting speech patterns that are easy to pick up on and give more personality than a more grammatically correct "edited" version. Obviously I left these run-ons and funny sentences alone since it was verbatim, I just corrected any typos that occured in transcribing the interview. But again, great job capturing all of it as it makes for a very interesting read.

You use "one" a lot when referring to the player. It's fine once in a while, but it's repeated very often. Try to use some other synonyms to mix it up a bit.

The term "co-op" seems to appear hyphenated and un-hyphenated (coop) in about a 50/50 split. I'd pick one way to spell it and stick with it, mostly likely hyphenated.
 
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Thanks for the various PMs guys. Yes, please put all errors and corrections here like celegus put out.

You can probably tell how my coverage is focused on hands-on previews, reviews of 350-1800 words, interviews and press event pictorials. I don't foresee going beyond that anytime soon, but I'm open to suggestions as well as ideas on what you'd like to see more off with the four types of articles I just mentioned.
 
(mainly just style fixes)

Paragraph > Error > Fix

Blacklight: Tango Down (XBLA/PSN/PC) review
P1 > does not > doesn't
p1 > If given nine more months of development time and considering the franchise ambitions that Zombie has laid out for Blacklight, the studio probably could have added a hashed out story mode and more expansive multiplayer maps > If given nine more months of development time, and taking into account the franchise ambitions that Zombie has laid out for Blacklight, the studio could have added a hashed out story mode and more expansive multiplayer maps.
p2 > 4 Black Ops > Four Black Ops
p4 > venerable > vulnerable
p4 > Of course these can only be used for short periods of time before recharging and managing the usage of the HRV without overly relying on it will be key in setting oneself apart from the competition >The HRV can only be used for short periods of time before needing to be recharged . Managing the usage of the HRV, without overly relying on it, is the key to setting oneself apart from the competition.
p5 > has certainly not > hasn't
p5 > Many of these add-ons have to be earned (or bought) though > Many of these add-ons have to be earned or bought.

Rin ~Daughters of Mnemosyne (DVD/Blu-ray) review
p1 > adapt > adept
p2 > Most of the 50-minute episodes sees Rin die at least once > Most of the 50-minute episodes show Rin dying at least once,

Pure Futbol (Xbox/PS3) review
p1 > The opening cutscene sets the scene well enough > The opening cutscene sets the tone:
p2 > where winning a match does not > where winning a match doesn't
p2 > most matches only last 5 minutes > most matches only last five minutes
p5 > This does not take long > This doesn't take long
p6 > executing a cross goals > executing a cross goal
p6 > but it is > but it's

Sin & Punishment: Star Successor (Wii) review
p1 > Clearly Treasure took notice > treasure clearly took notice (or) Clearly, Treasure took notice
p2 > change was in giving the playable > change was giving the playable

Random ideas:
-I noticed there are a few articles where you use "one" and "one's" this is fine as you know but kinda slows down the pacing of the article
- I love the way you lead in interviews! By giving people a quick, succinct idea of what the game is about, really allows for all readers to enjoy
- Also love the use of visuals within articles, they aren't overpowering yet they are sprinkled in enough to keep the viewer reading on.
- I know it's geared towards gaming and such but I would like more movie reviews, as I felt your Inception review was right on.
 
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Hey, would it be possible to print these out, and then scan in the corrected pages? I find it slightly difficult to proof-read in a post on a completely different site. I'd really like to participate!!
 
[quote name='Mr Dude65']Hey, would it be possible to print these out, and then scan in the corrected pages? I find it slightly difficult to proof-read in a post on a completely different site. I'd really like to participate!![/QUOTE]

If you don't mind the time it takes to scan, sure. Thanks for your interest!
 
Actually, I was thinking that I could just copy/paste the articles to word, and then use Word to highlight the changes, and add them to the side of the document, and then email it to you. Would this be acceptable? I'm honestly more interested in the resume-building aspect (although a free game isn't something to sneeze at) because I'm thinking that that would be perfect fro my college applications.
 
I will list the date of when I "revised" articles. Under that there will be a link to the article and my revisions/comments underneath. The bolded text is where in the article I refer to. The original text will be designated by a quote tag, while my revision bolded underneath. My comments/reasons will will follow. I will also use quote marks (" ") for portions from the article for minor revisions. Parenthesis or brackets may be used to show my thoughts/reasons. I may use some grammatical terms but may not fully understand their meaning enough to teach.


Read and revised on July 22, 2010:

Shooting Game Historica 3 released

First sentence:
Yujin has begun shipping their third collection of shump (shoot 'em up) mini toys through their highly successful Shooting Game Historica line.
Click to expand...
Yujin has released the third line of their highly successful Shooting Game Historica series. Like the previous two lines, this collection features mini toy figures of various props found in different shoot 'em up games (shmps).

Minor typo for shmup. prop was the word I could think of.
It is slightly confusing what shipped means. One might think that "Shooting Game Historica" is a shipping method (delivery/carrier service) or a special line of toys (shipped as in branded in marketed).
"through" is the cause of one slight confusion. Example: I trade some old books to Amazon. Amazon provides a prepaid UPS shipping label for me. This situation can be written: "I shipped books to Amazon through UPS". Had it been "I traded books through Amazon using UPS", most would understand but the indirect object either does not exist or is unclear. For the first one, (to) Amazon is the indirect object of shipped while "through UPS" is an adverbial phrase.
Since this "third" collection is of the "Shooting Game Historica line", the sentence is even more confusing (or could be). Most people probably understood it like myself, but I still think the sentence is awkwardly structured. A different preposition in lieu of through as well as having "Shooting Game Historica" somewhere in the subject would have made the statement more fluid.


List "This series contains:":

There seems to be an extra blank line before the first item of the list. This along with the placement of "Noteworthy features..." presents a slight visual annoyance. I would have one less blank line before the items are listed.
I'm assuming "Blue mech", "Squat sub", and "Blue tank" are all generic 'props' from those game series. I think "A blue mech from..." and etc would have been fine.


Third to last 'paragraph':

Import sellers like NCSX have sold each series in organized bundles of all 6 toys, while Play Asia has been selling them in their original wholesale cases.
Click to expand...
Play Asia sells each toy in its original wholesale case, while other import sites such NCSX offer the entire series as an organized bundle.

I never heard of NCSX but know of Play Asia. A random reader may conclude that NCSX is an import site while Play Asia is not (based on the how the sentence starts off). Does this mean that most import sites are more likely to sell the collection rather than separately? I'm assuming "original" means the exact same thing one would by in Japan (i.e. a true import). Also, is the bundle offered in stores in Japan? Lastly, I'm not exactly familar with this site (examiner) so the audience may not be able to import if they're located outside the US.
I think present tense works better since this article focuses on the newest line of the series: "Shooting Game Historica 3".


Second to last paragraph:

A bit minor/picky thing but "Shooting Game Historicas" (Game was left out).
I would move the first sentence to the previous paragraph based on content. The next sentence (with "In addition, " changed to "Also, " should be a part of the last paragraph, specifically the last line of the article.


Last paragraph:
I think shmups should be used instead of "games".
An R-Type ship was also offered as a pre-order bonus with the U.S release of R-Type Command, published by Atlus.
Click to expand...
Yujin also created an U.S. exclusive R-Type ship, available to those that [who/whom have might be better/correct etc] pre-ordered Atlus' PSP game R-Type Command (known as R-Type tactics in Japan).

Unfortunately, most games are marketed with the publisher's name known more than the developers so I don't think "published" is needed. I've seen other articles mention a game's original or alternate title. The sentence I mentioned earlier that should end the article ties in well. The last paragraph slowly shifts from "Shooting Game Histroica" to other lines of Yuijin toys.
 
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Thanks a ton for the feedback so far. For the record, these are the things I would prefer to get rid of partially because I either A) have two copies of or B) don't have time to review.

GAMES
APB (sealed)
Resistance 2 (sealed)
God of War Collection (sealed)
MotorStorm: Pacific Rift (sealed)
Red Steel
Splinter Cell: Conviction
Phantasy Star Zero
Deca Sports 2
Deca Sports DS
Super Street Fighter IV
Lost Planet 2 (Sealed)

ANIME
Dragon Box Z Collection 1
Dragon Box Z Collection 2
Dragon Box Z Collection 3 (sealed)
Dragon Ball Box 2
Dragon Ball Box 3
Dragon Ball Box 4 (sealed)
Rin DVD
Tsubasa Complete Collection Blu-ray (sealed)
Trinity Blood Complete Collection Blu-ray (sealed)

Or I can send you a 10 pound box of shwag

This isn't a complete list and I hope to update it later. Again, if there's something else you want, I'd be happy to part with that game as well. This is just a preference list ;-)
 
hey celegus stop crushing a fellow Pennsylvanian haha.

Edit: That is some great gear! So there are only 3 winners huh....I need to get on top of it then haha.
 
[quote name='enemyofusall']hey celegus stop crushing a fellow Pennsylvanian haha.

Edit: That is some great gear! So there are only 3 winners huh....I need to get on top of it then haha.[/QUOTE]
Like I said... dangerous to tempt a CAG with free stuff! :drool: Doesn't help either that I think stuff like this is rather fun! :bouncy:
 
[quote name='celegus']Like I said... dangerous to tempt a CAG with free stuff! :drool: Doesn't help either that I think stuff like this is rather fun! :bouncy:[/QUOTE]

I hear ya on that one. As it looks you and I are the winners thus far haha. Wish it would end NOW :). 10 lbs of swag would be awesome!!!
 
Going to need a few days Miguel, but count me in.

Edit: Going to have to email you a Word doc with all of my edits when finished (especially if I am going to hit a ton). It will take me less time and make it easier for you to read. I propose a change to the rules - have everyone email a Word doc when finished (better set a solid end date). This thread is gonna get messy real fast with people piling up edits (not to mention the arguments of who found what first/who posted what first).
 
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I think you should have had people message or email you these since as long as the first person can keep editing his post, then whatever errors he finds will always be "first" and not count for others
 
[quote name='Arakias']I think you should have had people message or email you these since as long as the first person can keep editing his post, then whatever errors he finds will always be "first" and not count for others[/QUOTE]
I started putting dates on mine to show when I found a certain error to avoid confusion with that aspect of it. That should help at least a little, just have to hope everyone is honest about it.
 
okay...my revision for one article is almost more than celegu's for a lot...

yeah gonna have to do a WORD doc or something. would be better since I tried using spoiler tags to condense but CAG makes everything in spoilers red color.
 
[quote name='Gamer SDP']okay...my revision for one article is almost more than celegu's for a lot...

yeah gonna have to do a WORD doc or something. would be better since I tried using spoiler tags to condense but CAG makes everything in spoilers red color.[/QUOTE]

same here. i guess you can do whatever u want but I have to go with a physical document, no way around it...
 
More stuff I tracked down:

Alice In Wonderland (Wii)
Arc Rise Fantasia (I need to finish this first for my review, give me a week)
Alpha Protocol (Xbox 360)
Bioshock 2 (Xbox 360)
Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands (PS3)
Toy Story 3 (PS3; I need to finish this too, give me a week)
Spice and Wolf (anime)
Linebarrels of Iron (anime)
Persona (anime; in that special box)
Anything by Graffiti Entertainment (they sent me their whole library)
Despicable Me (DS)
Foto Shodown (DS)
Super Street Fighter IV (found a second copy)
Mass Effect (Xbox)

More to come.

Celegus and enemyofusall, you guys rock.
 
Been a week since the last update, I was just getting curious if there was any news or a possible end date for this "contest".
 
[quote name='celegus']Been a week since the last update, I was just getting curious if there was any news or a possible end date for this "contest".[/QUOTE]

Seconded...
 
I PMed a couple of you already. Just wanted to let you know that Examiner is finally planning to roll out Examiner 2.0 which will lock me out of my old articles from edits. So yes. I'll go through all the submissions (both here and those who emailed me) and I'll pick the winners in the next couple days. Thanks again for all your help.
 
Yes, but Miguel from the Examiner has not sent out prizes in over 3 months. I have contacted him several times and he responds but he never sends anything. I have asked that he give us a final answer by the end of this week. If he does not respond I will PM all CAGs involved to inform them of the next steps they should take. I am currently speaking with someone at the Examiner and will have a solid email address where we can take our complaints. Stay tuned.
 
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