HHH - At WrestleMania, the King of…(Orton’s theme hits)
J.R. - Last night, Randy Orton got himself disqualified by SLAPPING THE REFEREE RIGHT IN THE FACE!
Orton - We’ve come around full circle, haven’t we, HHH? Last night it was John Cena, before him, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels. Before all of them, it started with you, HHH, the man that I beat for the WWE Title. We’ve known each other for a long time, and in that time, a lot of things have changed, but your jealousy for me has always stayed the same. 4 years ago, when I became world heavyweight champion, you were jealous of me then, and you’re more jealous of me now because I’m that much better. It makes me happy to hear you already proclaiming your victory at WrestleMania, because it makes you like all the rest - and I’ve beaten all of the rest. So if you wanna have your moment…(Cena’s theme hits)
Cena - Wait one second, wait ONE COTTON PICKING MINUTE! I just wanna (fans boo), ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Randy Orton - WWE Champion. The first WWE champion to be both a liar and a loser. With all the corruption in sports, it’s only fitting that disgrace finally comes to the WWE Champion. He’s WWE Champion with an asterik, the only champion to lose his way into Wrestle Mania (Cena sucks chant breaks out). I have an idea - how about tonight, we have a rematch? YES, YES, YES, LET’S NOT TAKE THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP! WWE Champion, Randy Orton, aka Captain No Nuts, VERSUS JOHN CENA, TONIGHT! The winner will face you, HHH, at WrestleMania.
Orton - You gonna let him interrupt what we’ve got going for WrestleMania? It’s got nothing to do with John Cena?
HHH - I don’t give a crap which one of you’re champion - at WrestleMania, I’ve got the shot, and I’m gonna beat whoever it is!
Regal - Gentlemen, I’m going to try and remedy this situation in as fair a manner as possible. HHH, you won the chamber, so you’re going to WrestleMania, that’s a lock. Randy Orton, you got yourself intentionally disqualified, that doesn’t reflect well on the Raw brand or me, so tonight, you will face John Cena, where the winner goes onto a triple threat match at WrestleMania, if it’s Cena.
HHH - That doesn’t work for me, Regal, I won my chance at a one-on-one match at WrestleMania.
Regal - I know that doesn’t quite work out in your favor, which is why, tonight, in the main event match, we will have a special guest referee, and it will be the Game Triple Haitch.
J.R. - Every money in the bank has gone onto become champion!
Lawler - Yes, every winner has gone onto win the WWE Title.
HBK - WrestleMania is right around the corner, and you can’t have WrestleMania without the hall of fame induction ceremony. It is my honor to induct this man (fans wooo), he’s the greatest wrestler of all time (fans wooo), and he’s my friend (fans wooo).
J.R. - The Naitch deserves his own wing.
HBK - Nobody deserves this more than that man, I hope you will join me in congratulating the Nature Boy, Ric Flair. Join me in a WOOOO!
Lawler - Ric Flair, the only active wrestler to ever be inducted into the hall of fame.
Birchill - Ever since we’ve been growing up, I’ve noticed the looks the guys have given my sister, Katie, and don’t think I haven’t noticed the looks she’s gotten here.
Katie - But that’s okay, I attribute it to our family genes.
King - Okay, I’ve looked at her jeans a time or two.
J.R. - King, do you ever recall a brother-sister tandem?
King - Well, there’s Shane and Stephanie McMahon - they’re quite a tandem here in WWE.
HHH - Randy, you’re trying to play mind games with me - who taught you those, huh? Me! You’re not pulling anything over on me - I’ll call it like I see it.
Show - I was asked to come out here tonight and apologize for my actions at last night’s No Way Out Pay-Per-View. I knew what I was doing, but I might’ve been a little overwhelmed with my return. I might’ve went a little too far, I think that Mayweather went a little too far. I’m here to make a formal apology, I know Mayweather’s in the building, and I’d like to ask him to please come down to the ring.
Mayweather - ANAHEIM, WHAT’S UP!? (fans boo) First off, I want to start off by saying I love this business. I love it. I’ve been a fan of the WWE for many years. (fans chant ‘YOU SUCK”) I’m sorry things didn’t work out last night, but I’m the best fighter in the world, when someone calls me out, I have to retaliate.
Show - First of all, I wasn’t calling you out, I was trying to get a little publicity - I was trying to show the size difference between you and I, I was trying to have a moment. It’s okay, it’s in the past. I want to tell you, man-to-man, face-to-face, I am sorry. (fans boo, they shake hands, fans boo more)
Show - Hold on a minute, Floyd. Hold on a minute right there. I did what I was supposed to do, but now I want to get a little something off my chest! You must understand the only way you could hurt me was on my knees. Even on my knees, I’m still bigger than you! We both know, if I wanted to, I could take you out in two minutes. I let you leave the ring, just like now, when I let you leave MY RING! You don’t believe me? Why don’t you find out the truth, Mayweather!? Take me on one-on-one - the greatest fighter in the world against the LARGEST ATHLETE IN THE WORLD! Why don’t you try to make it 40 and 0? You want publicity, come take on the Big Show! Think about it!
May weather - I ACCEPT! (Mayweather feigns a punch, Show flinches, Mayweather looks on in a condescending manner)
J.R. - Mr. McMahon’s son, the illegitimate Hornswoggle…
Finlay - THIS IS WRONG!
(handcuffed, and watching Vince take off his belt)Finlay - NOOO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR! TAKE IT OUT ON ME, NOT HORNSWOGGLE! COME ON! COME ON! REACH FOR ME, COME ON. (Hornswoggle reaches, JBL kicks him in the head) HORNSWOGGLE! (JBL kicks him in the head)
(JBL lifts Hornswoggle for a fall away slam on the cage)Finlay - DON’T DO IT, PLEASE! HORNSWOGGLE! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!
Vince - Get some help, come help. Sorry, son.
Finlay - SORRY!? YOU’RE SORRY!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? YOU’RE A LIAR!
King - Here, you can see Finlay carrying Hornswoggle to the back.
J.R. - That’s one of the most disturbing things I’ve seen on Raw.
Santino - I, SANTINO MARELLA, have-a some verry good news. Actually, I have some great news. I know what you want, you’re gonna get it! MY-A MARIA IS GONNA POSE FOR PLAYBOY MAGAZINE! NOT ONLY THAT, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE AN OPPUPRUNITY TO SEE-A MY MARIA IN ACTION! AGAINST BETH PHENOM! DON’T WORRY, Maria, I’ll be in your corner. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. There’s very, very, very small print. It says you can only pose for Playboy, if you beat Beth Phoenix tonight. This is the first time I am aware of this! OH MY!
Santino - THIS IS SOME KIND OF CONSPIRACY!
King - What? He’s saying it’s a conspiracy.
J.R. - I think his statement lacks a little genuality.
(Orton does a dropkick) J.R. - That’s a move of beauty.
J.R. - John Cena just got knocked into out announce table, HE’S LEGITIMATELY OUT OF IT!
J.R. - It’s easier to deal with one man than two in the WrestleMania main event.
J.R. - Orton with the flat of the foot - perfectly legal.
J.R. - John Cena has tremendous recuperative powers…BUT THAT TURNBUCKLE DOESN’T CARE!