My name is ______. I came across your posting, and though I'm not from Canada, I believe my services would be invaluable to you and your current needs. I am 21 years old and live in Texas. I attend the University of Texas and am majoring in Political Science. When I graduate I plan on becoming a conniving politician. Harassing strangers over the phone and via Internet is not only my favorite hobby, but a honed skill. I work for a research company called ChaCha, in which I regularly use the Internet to look up information such as people's phone numbers, addresses, criminal records, etc. I realize I alone would not be able to meet all of your needs which is why I would like to offer my services for no charge. I would simply enjoy the opportunity to make your life hell. Thank you for your consideration.
Sleep with one eye open,
_____