J.R. - It’s only fitting that HBK would get the first superstar entrance in Raw in HD.
J.R. - Kennedy granted a spot in the Rumble… I don’t quite understand it.
Lawler - Don’t think for a second that Kennedy can’t wrestle.
(Michaels chops Kennedy)J.R. - How’s that looking in your living room in HD!?
Randy - Vince, Jeff Hardy made a conscience decision last week when he dove onto my unconscious body - there’s no way I’m shaking his hand tonight!
Vince - How many men’s hands do you think I’ve had to shake that I hated?! That’s why I carry Purell, or some other kind of hand sanitizer with me at all times - I HATE IT!
J.R. - Raw is brought to you by… my GOD, MY FRUITY, FRUITY, FRUITY SKITTLES!
HHH - Todd, I don’t know who my opponent is, but I do know that Vince has spent the past 8 hours locked in a room with industrial makeup artists trying to hide every wrinkle and age spot. I also know that the past seven winners of the Rumble match have gone onto win the title at WrestleMania - I should know - I was one of them. No matter who the opponent is or what match I’m in, I’m going to win, and that’s a guaran-DAMN-tee!
Cody - Good luck in your match with Carlito tonight, at least you don’t have to dress up like Carlito this week.
(Kendrick and Cody laugh except Bob)Holly - WHAT’S SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT?
Cody - Come on Bob, I put a picture of it on my Myspace.
Holly - WHAT THE HELL IS A MYSPACE?
Kendrick - COME ON BOB, THE WORLD WIDE WEB!
J.R. - Hornswoggle and Finlay versus the Highlanders - a match with a real INTERNATIONAL FLAIR!
Lawlers - All of the famous families are on WWE.com, the Spears…
J.R. - What about the Lawlers?
Lawler - WHAT?
J.R. - How about the Hogans?
J.R. - Usually, Jericho and I have conversations on Monday afternoons - that wasn’t the case tonight, as he was somber.
J.R. - Jericho knows that the maniacal millionaire, JBL, is wealthier and bigger than he is, but Jericho thinks he’s tougher.
Jericho - I could have come out and ranted and raved about wanting JBL tonight and not wanting to wait until Sunday, but I can’t do that, because when JBL heard I was going to be here, he decided not to come. I find it ironic that he called me a coward given that he won’t show up, and that he threatened my children. My four-year old son looked at me last week, with a quiver in his lip, if it was true, and I told him that it wasn’t true, and he looked at me with doubt it his eyes and it broke my heart. You said you didn’t want to make this personal, but you did. After 17 years, I have never been treated like I was, but you also made a huge mistake when you did that, but it wasn’t because you wrapped a cord around my throat, and you damaged my larynx to the point that I wouldn’t eat, you made a mistake by not finishing the job, and as a result, I’m still here. I’ve been beaten and bloodied, and slapped around by some of the biggest and in the business, but I’ve never been dragged around the building like a piece of meat - but I’M STILL HERE. And this Sunday at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden, home of some of the greatest boxing and wrestling matches of all time, with things on them just to have a good show. But on Sunday, I’m not interested in having a good show, or having a spectacle, it’ll just be one thing - a FIGHT!
Vince - Don’t you EVER risk someone’s life like that again, Hell, I don’t want you risking YOUR LIFE like that - I’ve got an investment in you. Go out there and shake Orton’s hand tonight. People are gonna be wondering just what are you capable of, just what will you do to win the WWE Championship. Now, you go out there and shake the man’s hand.
Jeff - Vince, man, you don’t have to worry about it - I’ll go out there and be sure to give everyone something to talk about.
Regal - The Royal Rumble, the only match where someone like you, Mr. Kendrick, can win and go directly to the main event of WrestleMania. Now, I’m still putting the finishing touches on Triple Haitch’s match, so you’ll have to face someone that has already qualified for the Royal Rumble.
Lawler - What did Brian Kendrick do before Raw? Could his luck get any worse?
J.R. - Earlier tonight in catering (no jokes, please), I was talking to Kendrick and he said that the Royal Rumble was his favorite match growing up, and his dream was to compete in one.
Santino - Hello Maria, Hello Ashley, and I know what you’re going to ask - no - Maria doesn’t need to get me a free subscription to Playboy, because it’s like the old expression, why buy the cow when you have someone who will let you milk them for free!
Vince - He says “you’re fired”, I say “YOOOU’RE FIRRREEED!”.
Trump - I say it better.
J.R. - King, what are you doing?
King - HD!
J.R. - King, it’s HD, not 3D!
J.R. - The fact that Maria’s still with Marella is a miracle.
J.R. - Santino’s almost won the Royal Rumble…being with Maria…
Regal - Triple Haitch, it isn’t who your opponent is, it’s whom they may be. You’ll have to face one to three opponents, it’s an over-the-top rope gauntlet match. If you throw them out, you win, if any one of them throws you out, you’re out of the Royal Rumble match. Now without any further ado, here’s your first opponent (Snitsky comes out)
Lawler - GOOD GRIEF!
(HHH eliminates Snitsky)Regal - (angrily)CONGRATULATIONS, HERE’S YOUR SECOND OPPONENT - SMACKDOWN’S MARK HENRY!
Lawler - William Regal eliminated by Triple Haitch, as he likes to call him!
Lawler - J.R. stop and enjoy Mr. McMahon in high definition.
J.R. - I’m sorry, Jerry, are you done enjoying it?
Lawler - Yes.
Vince - How about it? MR. MCMAHON IN HD!
J.R. - If Jeff Hardy wins at the Royal Rumble, he can join the Immortal Hulk Hogan and Triple H as the only men to hold both the WWE and Intercontinental titles.
Lawler - I don’t know what HD does for sound, but the roof almost blew off this building when Jeff Hardy came out.
Crowd - HAR-DY! HAR-DY! HAR-DY!
Vince - Normally, this is where I’d hype the WWE Title match at the Royal Rumble match, but quite frankly, this match doesn’t need anymore hype. What kind of match will we see? Will we see death-defying risks, or a potentially career-ending kick to the head? Before you shake hands, are there any last-minute comments you’d like to make. Randy?
Orton - I’m gonna be honest with you, Jeff Hardy, ever since I found out you were gonna be my opponent at the Rumble, I’ve been relieved. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve done some amazing things, but you’ve never come close to becoming WWE Champion. I’ll admit it - I have underestimated you. Every time I close my eyes, I see an image of Jeff Hardy crashing down on me from 30 feet in the air, so congratulations, although you will not be winning this title this Sunday. You have won something almost as important - my respect.
Crowd - HAR-DY! HAR-DY! HAR-DY!
Jeff - Just so you know, I don’t care about earning your respect, I didn’t hit a 30 foot swanton to impess you, I DID IT TO HURT YOU! I DID IT FOR MY BROTHER, MATT! I DID IT BECAUSE I’VE WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS OPPURTUNITY, AND I DID IT TO SHOW YOU THAT I’LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BECOME WWE CHAMPION! AND IF I’M GONNA SHAKE HANDS WITH PEOPLE I RESPECT, THERE’S GONNA BE A LONG LINE, BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE I RESPECT MORE THAN YOU! Like Jim Ross, like Jerry the King Lawler, like Liilian Garcia, that’s not it, Randy. What’s your name? Like RYAN! Like Bobby! Like Cory! Like Ethan! Like Justin! Like Kevin! Like Chris! Like Wayne! Like Jordan! Like Christina! Like Brian!
J.R. - Jeff Hardy making a unique impression on the champion.